Post partem depression is a bitch. I really really dislike how everything makes me emotional, everything makes me sad, and the overwhelming feelings of guilt and despair do not help one bit. The more I try to feel better, the worse I end up feeling.
Also, my ex has the trial he is the plaintiff in coming up. I just really want that episode of my life to go away. I think I may need closure, but I am not sure what. I sacrificed six months of my life (well, more than that), spent money, went into debt on student loans, and now deal with horrible PTSD and anxiety flare ups. Ever since I got the subpoena for 2/5, I have just been a bundle of nerves. I couple this stress with my defaulted student loans, my medical bills, my already impending debt, the fear of not being able to buy a new vehicle with my tax return, being a shitty parent, not having enough time to be a good mom because I have to work 40+ hours a week, keep my own house, and try to eat sometimes.
I just want a break. For ten minutes. No stress. I think that is why I drank. And now, since I can’t, I waiver between sanity and absolute despair.
I just really need a break. The universe needs to cut me some slack.